Freak Flood

Somehow in the last few months I've
lost the words.....frozen deep inside
my soul, refusing my plea for rebirth
they continue to hide from everything
I thought I was

And then last night it happened.....

With the wreck of my life, with the mistakes
I can only claim as my own, the words
told the story without any help from me. The
secrets that ate at the person I hide
within myself

The words ran from me like a massive freak
flood, one after another telling my story.
A story that wasn't very pretty, but seriously it
was differently mine to tell.

And once spoken, I could never take it back -
so I laid my life open like a well read thriller
that scares the living daylights out of you - but
you can't stop reading. Even days later when
everything should have passed for ordinary thought
it still kicked you where it hurts the most.

They say, and this confuses me for who are these
people who say - "truth is healing?" Well if asked I'd
have to say I don't know if that's possible, because
even in truth I lost so much. Things I'll never take for
granted again.

Things like trust, honor, the love of ones whole life. Just
because I thought I had to have more - well in my hour of
breakdown as I thought I needed to explain myself
in a depth I should have left alone - I lost the very existence
of myself.

Things I never expected to reveal - I gave it all away
never thinking about how much this could hurt.

Myself, I've even lost myself - I surely lost any respect
of the listener of my sad tale. So in my loss - I'll once again
hide my soul even deeper than before, trying to once
again to bury my secret so deep within I expect to die
intact with secret buried within my soul.

Where that night they should have stayed.