Not at all

Sometimes when I least expect it
The questions - the many questions
That have plagued my life for so many years
force their way forward
to collect into so many
unanswered sentences never mind the answer.

Often, when this happens
I try so hard to play up to the distractions
that are so common throughout my everyday
Things that can't be expressed
because to say the words
who would understand?

It's the darkness these questions
answers' would fill
The whys & why nots of ones life
I know deep inside - there are those things
you don't want to talk about
things you try to bury so deep within

Sometimes I wonder who else feels this way
and who else has these same questions
I know Dan did and he was the one
who always understood

My desire for considerly more to my life
I think these question have plagued me all my life
It took Dan away, from me as easily as can be
without ever giving up the hope that is just
out of reach.

those stuborn helpless disturbing feelings...

Sometimes, I wonder if and I do mean the "if"
because when I am bothered by this - I wonder
can the answers suddenly drop into my lap
free of charge, no pressures or thoughts
and then what would I do?

I don't know
I just don't know...

and right now I guess I just don't care...,
because why care when the whys has aluded me for years

not at all!
but when I don't keep my guard up
I am ambused
Knocking me to my knees
branding me with it's plea to understand

But how can I when it has taken so much
from me all ready.

not at all!